The audacity of these...proto-humans astound me.

I have done my best to be a proper research professor.  I hide from students, lock the office door, turn off the lights, and freeze when students knock at the door.  Still, these audacious carbon sinks are persistient.  I thought to drive them out of my lab, my sanctum sanctorum, by scattering live plates of my latest pathogenic success conspiculously around the lab, with a light layer of cracked, oozing beakers labeled with radiation stickers.  Stiill they come in.  They come like an inexhaustible tide of creatures whose only job is to completely waste time.  Time I could be using to write up another set of experiments for research to culminate in my 15th Nature paper, curing Chlamydia, making a more deadly Chamydia, anything other than wasting oxygen repeating information students could find on the syllabus.  In fact, *knocking* (currently hiding)