Failure. Emptiness. Happiness is so far away it is like I am in a deep well, and looking up, can only faintly discern the memory of joy. What is this joy? It is the burning sensation, deep in the soul, the inferno of curiosity tied to the knowledge that you can go out and poke the boarders of human knowledge and morality, just to see what happens. You don't care about those plebian concerns such as 'human experimentation ethical concerns', 'concerns about the environmental impact', or the old favorite, 'this is an abomination before God and nature!'. No, you don't care for those silly things, because you are following SCIENCE, that wonderful mistress of the unknown who whispers into ears as the Ceasars of old, saying, "You are but mortal...but your ideas could be immortal! Send that minion into the test chamber, he'll thank you for the tentacles later on!" Oh, it was wonderful time, feeling immortal and having the head raging with ideas, ideas to change the world...whether they want to change or not.
Yes, I used the word, "was". It is gone. I woke up this morning and that immediate desire to bend nature to my will, my constant muse, was silent...no, gone. There was an emptiness, quickly filling with dread, panic, and confusion. WHAT has happened? WHERE has my drive gone? Has it been burnt out? I have heard of this, but never thought this would happen to me...is there a pill to take? I will take both the red AND blue pills if necessary...
